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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Funny Quotes About Jokes And Politics

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From Denny: Always on the hunt for funny quotes, OK, irreverant are my most favorite...! Then I started thinking (always a dangerous subject for a writer): What about quotes about how sitations in life are jokes - or even quotes about sick jokes...??? Here are a few to enjoy:


* Children always know when company is in the living room - they can hear their mother laughing at their father's jokes. – Anonymous

* Family (that are) jokes, through rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive. - Stella Benson

* The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree. - Stephen Wright (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)

* Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me. - Robert Frost (American poet, 1874-1963)

* I went to a fancy French restaurant called "Deja Vu." The headwaiter said, "Don't I know you?” - Rod Schmidt

* The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded. - George Orwell (English Novelist and Essayist, 1903-1950)

* What the average man wants to get out of his new car: the kids. - Anonymous

From Denny: Then there are the ever present - and most enjoyed by so many of us - those political jokes, some about the politicians, some from the politicians who are not famous for being terribly smart and some jokes are about Congress, which IS a joke by most people's estimation, no matter which political party may be in control of it.

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From American Presidents and politicians:

* I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US congress. - Ronald Reagan (Democrat turned Republican, American 40th US President (1981- 89), 1911-2004)

* The intoxication of power rapidly sobers off in the knowledge of its restrictions and under the prompt reminder of an ever-present and not always considerate press, as well as the kindly suggestions that not infrequently come from Congress. - William Howard Taft (Republican, American 27th US President (1909-13). 1857-1930)

* The passion for office among members of Congress is very great, if not absolutely disreputable, and greatly embarrasses the operations of the Government. They create offices by their own votes and then seek to fill them themselves. - James Knox Polk (Democrat and former Speaker of the House, American 11th US President (1845 - 1849). Under his leadership the United States fought the Mexican War, 1846 – 1848, and acquired vast territories along the Pacific coast and in the Southwest. 1795-1849)

* Congress in session is Congress on public exhibition, whilst Congress in its committee-rooms is Congress at work. - Woodrow T. Wilson (Democrat, American 28th President of the United States 1856-1924)

* (I support efforts) to limit the terms of the members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate. - Republican Dan Quayle (American 44th US Vice President under George Bush (1989-93). b.1947)

* President Nixon, Republican, was the most dishonest individual I have ever met in my life. He lied to his wife, his family, his friends, his colleagues in the Congress, lifetime members of his own political party, the American people and the world. - Barry Goldwater (American Republican Politician and Senator, 1909-1998)

About frustration with Congress:

* The problem with political jokes is they get elected. – Anonymous

* Congress: Bingo with billions. - Red Skelton (American pantomimist, radio and television Comedian and Host. 1913-1997)

* Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says nothing. Nobody listens - and then everybody disagrees. - Boris Marshalov

* Being elected to Congress is regarded as being sent on a looting raid for one's friends. - Republican George F. Will (American editor and news commentator b.1941)

* The (political) crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow. - H. G. Wells (English Novelist, Journalist, Sociologist and Historian, wrote science fiction books. 1866-1946)

* One of the standing jokes of Congress is that the new Congressman always spends the first week wondering how he got there and the rest of the time wondering how the other members got there. - Anonymous

* Congress seems to favor a stable government, judging from the amount of stalling it does. - Anonymous

* The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money. - Alexis de Tocqueville (French Historian and Political scientist. 1805-1859) - this guy must have been related to Nostradamus!

* If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it. – Anonymous

* They say women talk too much. If you have worked in Congress you know that the filibuster was invented by men. - Clare Boothe Luce (American Diplomat and Playwright, 1903-1987)

* With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke. - Anonymous (Is it any wonder these quotes are by "Anonymous"?)

* Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars. - George Mikes (Maybe we all should start a joke war on a global scale...? Cool!)

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